The year was 2008. I was fresh off a breakup from a 7 year relationship. I met a woman. We clicked. Or so it seemed.

Story time.

So anyway, I met a woman & I was fresh out of my relationship. I had been whoring around for years & it caught up to me.

So I meet this woman & off the bat she says: “Just wanna tell you, I’m a nympho..”. Nigga, I thought I was WINNING.

Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.

Here I am, my girl done left me & I stumbled across a self-identifying nympho? You’d think life was sweet, right? Nope.

So anyway, me & ole girl hit it off. The 1st time we had sex she gave me sloppy top 3x in a row. My dick was numb.

So, I go to take a shower & the broad hops in the shower with me & sucks me off again. I couldn’t feel shit.

We get out the shower & go to bed. I’m thinking “GOLDMINE”. I was thinking wrong.

I wake up the next morning & chick is straddling my face. I’m thinking “I can get used to this”. Hit her off & we go to work.

On my way to work she starts sexting me telling me all the things she wants to do to me when I get off. I’m not even @ work yet.

I get to my desk & she starts sending me semi-nudes of herself as she’s driving. I’m thinking “Something is wrong w/this broad”.

Anyway, I’m @ my desk. It’s 10 am & she sends me a text saying she has “pager panties” on. I’m like…huh?

She explains that pager panties vibrate when she presses a button so she can get off while she’s @ work. I’m like “oh”.

Now this broad is a lawyer. So I’m imagining her buzzing herself while she’s in court. She says that’s exactly what she does.

Then I get a text asking if I can have her for lunch. I’m thinking…bitch we just did this 4 hours ago. But, we had lunchtime sex.

Now it’s like 3pm & she texts me telling me she’s in the bathroom fingering herself. I’m starting to get concerned now…

I play along, send her some nasty texts to get her off, thinking my work for the day is done. Wrong again.

At about 5 she texts me telling me she’s leaving work & asks if I want dinner. I’m like sure, meet me @ my place.

I pull up about 7 & she’s sitting in her truck. I get out to open her door & I notice she’s got a bullet remote in her hand.

This broad doesn’t even notice me standing next to her door because she’s playing w/herself in my parking lot. I should’ve ran.

I knock on the window & she says “You wanna get in or just wait till we get upstairs?” At this point I’m just flabbergasted…

So I tell her I’ve had a long day & I’m just interested in dinner & convo. This is where the story takes a left turn…

She takes the bullet out of her twat & throws it me. Have you ever been hit by a bullet in the face?!?!? I was stunned.

She starts getting hysterical. Crying & shit talking about: “If we not going to fuck then why am I here?” I’m like “Oh shit”.

She throws the Olive Garden onto my parking lot & says “I wonder what your co-owrker will think about you not wanting to fuck me.”

I spelled co-worker wrong, but fuck it. This is when I start to get a lil scared….

This bitch done threw some perfectly fine Olive Garden onto my parking lot & threw her bullet @ me. I’m stunned.

So I say “What’s the matter with you? We have fucked like 8 times since last night”. I swear this bitch head swiveled around…

She starts threatening me. Talking about she’s going to put my address on FB & tell broads never to come see me, blah blah blah….

So now I’m thinking “Just get into your apartment where your guns are because this bitch is crazy”.

She starts blowing her horn saying “Where you going huh? Where you going? Why can’t we just fuck? You gay or something?!?”

At this point I hear police sirens in the distance. I have weed on me, so I’m trying to get up my steps before they come.

The police show up. It’s Olive Garden & a bullet in the parking lot, she’s crying. I’m thinking I’m going to jail.

The police ask her what’s wrong & she says “We only fucked like 5x today & I need more, what time do YOU get off officer?”.

The cop looks @ me. I look @ him. I say “Don’t look at me, she asked you the question, Bruh.”

The cop says “Ma’am you have to leave if you don’t live here, you’re causing a commotion. Pick up your sex toys & leave”.

She gets out, picks up the bullet & says “I never should have sucked your dick 4x last night you fucking fag” & pulls off.

The cop says “I would tell you to get a restraining order, but that might be embarrassing. If she comes back call us.”

And then the cop says “Or you could just fuck her again & everything seems like it would work out”. I’m like NIGGA WHAT?!?

I unfriended that bitch on MySpace & changed my phone #. I even thought about moving. I slept w/my gun that night. Loaded.

Moral of the story is every pussy that glitters ain’t gold. Be careful what you ask for.

*Fin*